J2: The Tiniest Things That Are Devastating

There are little things in life that make us happy or generally puts a smile on our faces in our day to day routines. It could be a cute puppy, a compliment, nice weather, a beautiful girl walking down the street, finding a loonie on the ground, or coming home to a nice, home-cooked meal waiting for you at the kitchen table. Nobody notices these tiny little things because we often take them for granted because, for some of us, it happens so often, we just brush it off. What I do notice in MY life, however, are the littlest mishaps that shit on my day. The most miniscule things that make one say "Well, shit". The tiniest things I find devastating, in no particular order:

Biting my tongue.
This sucks. Especially when it bleeds. Because then I'd sit there contemplating whether I should stick a ball of tissue in my mouth to stop the bleeding at the expense of leaving bits of tissue in there afterwards or letting it bleed out, tasting my own idiocy. This is followed by a canker sore, which leads to wishing I could cut my tongue off.

Getting my socks wet
I hate this with a passion. Not only because if you get your socks wet, your kicks come with it, but it's so goddamn uncomfortable and it gets really annoying. This sucks even more when it happens early in the day and you have no access to a fresh pair until the drive home.

Hitting my funny bone
I do this alot for some reason. Maybe because I'm really clumsy. Why is it called a funny bone? When you bang it on a bookshelf, it's not fucking funny, so I don't get it. I often have a difficult time supressing my anger and frustration when this happens, because I usually do it in the office. Same goes with bashing your knee on your desk or getting stabbed in the ribs or kidney by the corner of a countertop.

Stepping on dog shit
This is bad for obvious reasons. For me, it sucks twice as bad because this will happen on the ONE day I decide to wear a pair of shoes I normally don't wear because I fear it will get dirty. Sometimes, because my luck is so terrible, I shrug and say "I ain't even mad, of course this happened." all while crying inside.

Biting a metal fork
This is the fork saying "Fuck you, stop eating!". This rarely happens, but when it does, it's just as annoying as hearing nails scratching against a chalk board. Makes me cringe thinking about both.

Stubbing my toe
This is one of the worst feelings ever, especially getting out of bed in the morning. You stub your toe on something, proceed to grab your foot, stare at it and start screaming obscenities like it was your toe's fault and it could understand English, all while hopping up and down trying to balance on one leg. Depending how bad this is, it might bring a tear to my eye.

Forgetting my wallet
Especially when your access card to your office building is in this wallet and you have sit outside until someone with an access card arrives and you don't want to look like an idiot so you pretend you're outside having a smoke or texting your friend. Then you can't exit or sign out of the building at the end of the day so you're in the lobby doing the same thing when someone else comes to help you out.

Sleeping through the "snooze" button
I like having extra sleep. But not to the point where you hit "snooze" and end up sleeping for an extra 45 minutes and wake up knowing that you should have left the house 10 minutes ago. I hate rushing out of the house. This normally leads to "Forgetting my wallet" and/or keys.

Spilling a drink on the couch/carpet
Whenever I have a glass of water, this never happens. When I have a glass of juice, soda or coffee, THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS. WHY!? It sucks harder when your show is about to start on TV and you have to go upstairs find a wet towel and some Oxy Clean and try and scrub that shit off before the end of the opening credits.

Victim of Food Raiders
When it's 1:00am and I'm craving something so badly then realize "Oh nice, I have some!", then I go downstairs and check the pantry or the fridge and find out some one finished the last peice of whatever. This is one of the downsides to having siblings.

When my phone/iPod dies
I don't have this problem with my phone quite as often, but I feel incomplete when it dies. It takes a fat shit on my day when my phone takes a major L and shuts off when the battery is low. It's the same with my iPod when I'm on a 8-10 hour flight to go somewhere and it dies 2 hours into the flight because I forgot to charge it. FML.

Breaking my lead on my pencil
I don't mean mechanical pencils. I mean wooden pencils. Everyone uses mechanical pencils this day in age because it's more convenient and it lasts longer than the conventional yellow No. 2. But when you happen to be stuck with a wooden pencil and it breaks, and there are no pencil sharpeners anywhere because no one uses them anymore...THAT is devastating. Especially when you were doing something important...like an exam.

When vending machines won't accept my bills
This frustrates the shit out of me. You feed your $5 bill into the machine 6 times and spits it out everytime. Even more so when the bill is perfectly straight and uncrumpled, yet the stupid machine won't take it. So you humour the machine and stick another bill in there just for fun and that $20 bill will end up working. Now you have to carry out the rest of your day with a bag of chips you just bought and 18 loonies in your pocket. Fuck you.

Waking up with calf-strains and leg cramps
This is terrible. I don't wish this kind of pain on anyone. This usually happens at 3 in the morning, just hours before getting up to go to work, where you wake up and suddenly find yourself sitting up grabbing your calves trying to bend your foot but it's locked up to the point where you have to stand up and lean on a wall trying to flex your leg.

No toilet paper
This is real shitty (no pun intended) to no end. Especially in a public washroom. It's one of those moments where you sit there and you stare at that brown cardboard tube where the tissue used to be and say "...fuck". And you think for a few minutes wondering what you should do at that point.

Shitty breakfast
I hate waking up and pouring a bowl of cereal into the bowl. Open the fridge for some milk and one of two things take place. 1. There's no milk, which then you take your bowl of cereal, eat it plain or try and pour it back into the clear plastic bag within the box and most of it misses the bag and hits the bottom of the cardboard box instead OR 2. You pour the milk into the bowl. All is well and good until you take a bite and it's either chunky as hell or sour. Entire breakfast wasted.

Washing/waxing my car...and it rains
This is where my crappy luck comes into play the most. Unless I follow a 14 day forecast in which that one Saturday remains 25 degrees for the remaining 14 days until that day, I will never, EVER wash my car. Because everytime I do, I get some sort of precipitation falling from the sky the next day. I have a theory. The more detail you put into the car that day, the worse the weather will be the next day. If I spray it down, it will drizzle. If I soap and wash, it will rain. If I wax, it will hail. If I wax, detail, clay bar and apply tirecare, Calgary will get a 3-day snow storm in the middle of June.

These are painful AND annoying. And depending where it is, it can ruin your day. Especially if you get cut by a thick piece of bristol board.

Exploding Pizza Pops
This is very minor, but I hate it so much. No one likes warming up Pizza Pops and having to clean up the filling that explodes all over the inside of the microwave. Then you eat your stupidity by munching on half empty Pizza Pops on your plate. Fuck that.

Drive Thru's messing up orders
I hate driving through a drive thru, ordering food, taking it home and finding no straws or McNugget sauce. What...The...Fuck. Then you're stuck with the option to either having to drive back or eat what could have been a satisfying "off-day" meal. Then you feel like ass later because you just had McDonalds (as if it weren't bad enough already) and it didn't even satisfy your cravings.

Stains on my shirts
...AT THE START OF THE DAY. This is the worst! Especially when having to show up somewhere important or significant, you spill something on your brand new tie or button down and have to take the walk of shame to where ever you're going and accept the fact that you have a stain on your swag compromising any social integrity you may have.

Rice on my sock
I don't know how it is with other Filipinos (or Asians for that matter). But I run into this problem more than I'd like. I HATE getting rice stuck on the bottom of my sock. For one, it's sticky and annoying. Two, if it's left on there it becomes hard and it seems to be stuck there forever. This happens more at family parties where the rice scooper is flailing around everywhere causing little rice kernels to be launched onto the kitchen floor waiting for an innocent filipino to fall victim to such an annoying trap. Bringing an extra pair of socks to a filipino party is a must unless you have a pair of "chinelas".


BTW:  If I think of more, I'll edit the post in a different color.

1 comment:

  1. 1) I hate trying to leave a comment and type it all out, only to find out i'm not signed on and must do so, but upon doing so, I'm brought to my dashboard -_-

    2) It's called a funny bone because you hit the ulnar nerver against the humerus bone to get that tingly feeling, and thats where they derive the name funny bone from.. the bone against which you hit the nerve